‘I am not okay’
What I’ve learnt recently, because of CFS I built a wall, and that’s the ‘I’m fine’ wall, How are you today? I’m fine, Are you feeling any better? I’m fine. Are you okay? I’m fine.
Whether I was fine or not, I built this wall as protection, regardless of what you asked, or how I was doing, the same response. And eventually I trained those around me not to ask.
Never once would I admit I was not okay, never would I ask for help, and eventually those around stopped offering, what’s the point, you’re fine right?
I noticed that the wall stayed, nobody asks how you really are, because you’re ‘fine’
So what I noticed within myself, I noticed within a lot of my clients.
The ‘I’m doing okay’ but really I’m feeling like crap. This is why I ask on average 3 times how you’re really doing, because I know there’s a true answer there.
I know a lot of you are guilty of this, because I know how hard it can be to accept your illness, and how much it affects you- physically, mentally, emotionally and socially. But are you doing yourself any favors? You may not be a Negative Nancy (good on you) but you don’t have to be Positive Polly all the time either. It’s okay to admit your down; it’s okay to admit you need help- everyone in his or her life gets to this stage eventually.
So who in your life have you taught that you’re ‘fine’ I know every single Mother or Father with CFS out there is ‘fine’ according to his or her kids. Or every single daughter or son out there is ‘fine’ according to Mum and Dad, Whether your 15 or 55 or 75, it’s okay to talk about it, it’s okay to ask for help. You do NOT need to Soldier on alone.
You soldier on, and do what you have to. But how often do people step up when you need? Never, not because they don’t care, but because they don’t KNOW.
CFS is an invisible illness, spouses’ kids, family, friends can only go off how you tell them you feel, not how they perceive you, and if you’re continuously fine, they’ll stop asking.
You don’t need to take on the illness and still be ‘fine’ you can ask for help, you can say you’re having a terrible day.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not telling you to dwell on your illness, or let it consume your negative thoughts, but I’m saying pull down some of walls and barriers you’ve built up, and let people in. I’m just reminding you, a facade is tiring.
I know you are a CFS warrior, and I know you will get to whatever you’re striving for (health and happiness I’m assuming), but just remember your don’t always have to soldier on, make sure every now and then you say how you’re really feeling, you will notice such an emotional release.
If you already have someone you go to when you aren’t fine, I am proud of you! Remember to ask how they’re doing too, sometimes someone close to you may not be ‘fine’ either.
Sending love to you all,
Raeya CFS Health Coach.